Tinder turn offs

Tinder turn offs
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Recently I decided to get my graft on and redownload Tinder. Yep, I know, desperate times call for desperate measures. Once I’d picked a few of my Insta-finest, filled out my bio and started swiping, it’s made my realise that my break from the app has made me picky. I don’t know whether my standards have sky-rocketed or what, but I’ve found some serious Tinder turn offs which I just had to share.

Smutty first messages
‘Lizi, do you like to blow?’ is genuinely a message I received this week. Nah hun, no blowing for you with that shit craic of a first message. I also received ‘The things I would do to you, I hope you’re as cheeky as me’ – the things you can do to me include absolutely nothing.

Photos of people riding elephants
Is this the new thing since spooning a sedated big cat became frowned upon? Anyone with common sense knows that elephants aren’t oversized grey horses with flappy ears and their natural reaction to humans isn’t to let them ride them, right? For the most part, elephant sanctuaries are pretty awful (and the reputable ones don’t let you ride them), and there’s no bigger turn off to me than people blatantly endorsing commercialised animal cruelty.

Explicit bios
‘Yes I’m big *aubergine emoji* (about 9 inches).’ I call bullshit. NEXT.

Photos of people with their kids/anyone else’s kids
Yes, your bio may state ‘SHE’S MY NIECE’, but whilst you might think you’re advertising yourself as someone who is family focused, the reality is that you’re putting a child on a profile where you have no control of who is viewing it (including any local paedos). I saw a profile this week where a guy listed his son’s full name (including middle name) in his bio and a photo of said child in his school uniform within his profile. Yes, the child may be your world but you’re putting him out to the entire world too. Irresponsible parents are a major turn off.

‘I’m single because I’m kinky’
If you’re so kinky that you’re straying into fetish territory it’s time to hit up more niche apps. Tinder caters to the masses and if you have very select sexual preferences, you’re going to be looking for a needle in a haystack. Get on a site that gives you a kinky common ground to start with and you’ll save yourself getting a repetitive strain injury from all the swiping you’ll need to do.

My place or yours?
Probably the biggest red flag for me is someone who straight up wants to get you behind closed doors. I spoke to a guy for a week or so, including on the phone, but when he refused to meet in a public place, we found the deal breaker. Even if what you want is a hook up (which is totally fine if that’s your vibe/you’re sick of your vibe and want the real thing), meeting in person allows you the time to gauge whether they’re a) weird, b) a catfish and c) if they’re even your type. Take it straight behind closed doors and at best, it could get awks, at worst, you could get assaulted. Or y’know, accused of assault. I think a lot of guys forget that not every woman is a nice little hun – some women cry rape. It’s disgusting, it ruins lives, it’s not something I can even comprehend, but it happens, and if you’re home alone, it’s your word against each others.

So, there you have it, my latest Tinder turn offs. What do you think? Have you experienced any of the above or have you read this as someone who is coupled up and you are sat there thanking your lucky stars that you don’t have this to deal with? Let me know in the comments.

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