2019: A life update

2019: A life update
you got a bloody mortgage card


We’re only three months into the year and I can honestly say that I feel like my life has been turned upside down, inside out and shaken about like a snowglobe so far.

Going into this year, I had some pretty hefty ambitions but I didn’t think that a mere three months in would see me drawing some big ticks on my mental to-do list. And this is a far cry from where I was at the end of 2018.

At the end of 2018 I was in, quite frankly, a shit place. And that shit place wasn’t really reflected in all the content I was writing, the photos I was sharing on Instagram or in the public conversations I was having online either. It really is easy to hide what’s really going on behind a screen sometimes.

On paper, I have a really great support network of friends and family, I have a job in an industry I love, I have my own flat, and I have a blog which affords me a whole host of opportunities. On the surface, I’m hashtag blessed.

Underneath that surface however, at the end of last year, I was unhappy. So, so unhappy. I was insecure on a level that made me feel trapped in my own head. I was in a shit (and minus figure) place financially, to a point where checking my bank balance made me feel physically sick. I was waking up at all hours of the night and would spend hours panicking that I’d forgotten to send a client a report or fretting that I hadn’t been to the dentist in nearly two years and that I’d ruined my teeth forever (amongst other random worries).  
I was mentally and physically exhausted.

You know the witching hour, that period of time in the early hours of the morning where everything seems a million times worse? I saw it every night. For months on end.

I knew that going into 2019, I had to make it a better year as I couldn’t bear for it to be any worse. I knew that I needed changes to happen or I was going to spiral. And that conscious effort and thought process (plus the support of the absolute gems I call my family and friends), has left me in a place a million miles away from where I was and in the exact right direction.

I know there are plenty of people who will read this and eyeroll, but I put it out to the universe about what I wanted.

I was at a point so desperate that I was clutching onto the belief that there was a bigger force that could help me as I didn’t even know where to start to help myself.

For those unfamiliar with the ‘Law of Attraction’, this is the concept of consciously asking the universe for what you want. You put it out there about what you want so the universe knows what it needs to deliver to you. What you focus on is what it will bring – both good and bad. So I focused on (and physically wrote down), what I really wanted, which was financial security, buying my sister out on our flat, getting approved for a mortgage and having money in addition to my salary to buy the big things I wanted, like a new sofa.

Bear in mind that when I was doing this, my financial circumstances were causing me to lose sleep on the regular. I spent nights endlessly crying at the thought that I was going to let my sister down because I couldn’t get the mortgage that would allow her to release her money that was tied up in the flat to buy her own home. And on top of that, there was the guilt that it was my own fault for getting to a point where I was living in an overdraft that I couldn’t get out of.

Yeah, behind the glossy Instagram feed, I was struggling with debt that I entirely brought on myself and that was a fucking hard lesson to learn.

This was four months ago. Four months ago, where I was in a job that wasn’t going to see any kind of imminent payrise (I’d got the standard 2% in October), an overdraft that wasn’t just going to disappear and it’s not like I even play the lottery. But there I was, focusing on being a debt-free, sole home owner sitting on a new sofa that I’d bought myself. Which when you think about it, is both ridiculous and deluded.

I was essentially a financial mess and asking the universe for a credit score that would persuade a bank to lend me some serious dollar and on top of that, a magic money tree that would get me a sofa. But y’know, beggars can’t be choosers so I put my faith in the universe.

And it worked.

In January, I got approved for a mortgage and was told that I could release money from my flat to consolidate my debt and leave me with spare money for savings and home improvements – something I didn’t even know was a possibility. Also in January, I logged into my Yorkshire Water account to request a statement for proof of address and discovered that my account was £95 in credit – it was extra money in addition to my salary that I had no idea about.

In February, I received sponsored blog posts for brands I’d never worked with before, which paid really quickly – something that’s rare in the freelance world, and also more money in addition to my salary.

In March I got a letter through saying I was due a tax rebate of £105 – again, a cash injection I wasn’t expecting at all. In March I also got contacted out of the blue about a new job, which I interviewed for, got offered and accepted that comes with a payrise, which I start in May.

My mortgage completed on 28th February 2019, and I ended March 2019 in the black rather than the red – my first month doing so in I don’t know how long. So I ordered my dream sofa. And I have savings too.

I know there will be so many people out there who read this and scoff that I firstly asked the universe and secondly thanked it for what I believe it has delivered. I know that people will think that it’s simply having a positive mental attitude and that if you think about your problems you look for solutions. But when I was thinking about my problems, I couldn’t see any realistic way out.

Here I am, four months later in a place where I don’t lose sleep every night. (And it turns out that I hadn’t forgotten to send any client reports and my recent dental appointment showed me that my teeth are all good too).

So, to the universe, if you’re reading, thank you. And to those who think I’ve lost my head, at least I’ve gained financial security and a new sofa, so we all know who the real winner is!

If you’re interested in learning more about the universe and how you can make it work for you, I’d definitely recommend reading The Secret, by Rhonda Byrne – it taught me all I needed to know.

2 comments

  1. I am so proud of you, you are doing brilliantly and you deserve every bit of happiness!

    ReplyDelete
  2. You rightly deserve it all and are in a truly inspiring place right now.
    I admire you. :)

    Caroline.x

    ReplyDelete