The need for space

The need for space

This is probably about draft 10 of this post now so I’ve got to the point of word vomit where I’m simply typing and hoping for the best.

I’m a personal space kinda gal. I just like it. I love doing things by myself, living by myself and being entirely selfish with the majority of my lifestyle choices. But becoming accustomed to this kind of living arrangement has made me dependent on having that time out to keep me sane.

Surely other people are like that too? I’m just not one to deal with people in my face all that well. Soz.

Recently, I’ve found myself craving time which allows me headspace, breathing space, whatever you want to call it. I’m talking about the time you spend by yourself having proper ‘down time’. Whether it’s binge-watching vlogs (yep), reading Harry Potter (and this too) or re-watching your comfort film (Jurassic Park, come at me), it’s that time to switch off. It’s the time spent in your onesie, most likely with something containing cheese and a diet coke close to hand. Could I be any more of an actual blogger cliché right now? (Anyone who thinks bloggers actually sit around in perfectly winged eyeliner, wearing new-season ASOS with a permanent plateful of macarons is kidding themselves).

As I was saying before I digressed, I think the real point of me writing this post is hoping that someone else will read it and go ‘oh yeah, I’m a bit like that, maybe taking time out isn’t a waste of time like other people say it is’. I feel like there have to be people out there who also spend time by themselves because they want to, not just because their friends all have plans.

Recently, if I had a quid for every time someone’s said ‘you’re so boring’, ‘why aren’t you more spontaneous’ or just assuming they’ve done something to piss you off, simply because you’ve turned down plans, I’d be at least a tenner better off. But saying ‘I just don’t want to make plans’ tends to offend people, no matter how much you say ‘it’s not you it’s me’. Honestly, it gets into break-up territory when you try to explain to someone that life is just getting in the way right now and you need some time to get your shit together.

I’m not one for glossing over the bad bits of life on my blog and I’ll happily admit that the last few months have been somewhat challenging. My work/life/blog balance has been fairly chaotic and whilst I’ve relished the challenge, it has at times left me feeling like I’m fighting to keep my head above water. As I said when I wrote this post about not always having my shit together, that’s entirely fine, nobody expects you to – but accepting that doesn’t always make it easier.

I wish I was one of those people who is always crazy-busy and absolutely embraces every second of it, but I’m just not. Don’t get me wrong, having so many opportunities both personally and professionally, to learn and grow as a person, is an absolute blessing and I wouldn’t change it for the world, but as the peaks and troughs get a bit more extreme, so does my craving for space. When it gets to that point where you’re feeling like you’re going under, and all you want to do is go home, eat carbs whilst a candle flickers in front of you, the last thing you need is to be told what a let-down you are. Sometimes, having people in your face is just not what you need.

(Just as a little side note, please, nobody start that really condescending speech about how this will all change when I meet the one, I’ve heard it 1000 times before).

Taking time out, if it’s going to make you feel better, more positive, more relaxed and well rested, to me is time very well spent. Anything that improves your well-being isn’t selfish, it’s not time that could be used more productively and it doesn’t make you a bad person or antisocial. I feel like I’m being defensive when I  say this but a lot of the adversity towards time spent ‘not doing anything’ comes from people who are unable to be left alone without entertainment. It’s something I’ve noticed over the last few years, that the people who get on your case about making plans are the people who can’t cope without them. It’s essentially an equal/opposite situation.

It feels like this post has found its conclusion (finally). I’m hoping that people will comment on here or tweet me to tell me what they think. I’d love to hear if you’re equally as dependent on down time as me or if you’re the polar opposite in terms of needing to be surrounded by people. 

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