Thursday, 13 October 2016

Things I am not cool enough for

Mrs Athas Leeds
avocado on toast


I’m not cool. In fact, I couldn’t have my feet planted further in the mainstream if I tried. I went to a fairly ‘hipster’ cafe in Leeds a few weeks back but whilst the food was delicious, I wasn’t cool enough to be there. From the mint water on the tables to communal dining, let’s just say that you need a beard/Macbook/vintage camera/waistcoat to fit in. Rather than just being there because I’d heard the food is nice, like me. It could be a sign that I’m old before my time (which I 100% am), or that I’m just not making enough effort to be hip and happening, but here are the things I’m not cool enough for.

Vintage
How the hell do you know when you’re being ripped off? All I’m seeing is second hand clothes. I go shopping because I need new clothes, not clothes which are already worn, like the ones in my wardrobe. Does that make my old clothes vintage? Who knows. There could be many a hidden gem amongst them but unless that gem is stripy, I’m not interested. Back to New Look I go.

Vinyl
Yes, your grandparents might have danced around to a gramophone but times have changed and my iPod docking station does the same job.  

Festivals
It’s a no from me. Whilst I love the idea of watching loads of amazing bands in one day with a pint of cider/sneaked in alcohol in hand, nothing, I repeat NOTHING, will persuade me that those toilets are worth it. I’m sorry, I don’t think any line up could make me embrace a festival. Give me a sweaty arena with flushing loos any day.

Urban Outfitters
Don’t get me wrong, their home stuff is absolutely adorable, but let’s face it, I’m not the type of girl who swans around in cut off Levis and a Calvin Klein crop top, am I? Loads of my friends seem to pick up such nice stuff in Urban Outfitters but every time I walk in, I’m a bit overwhelmed by how every seems to be of the ‘current hipster’ season (and will therefore be popular with everyone else around this time next year).

Up and coming gig nights
When it comes to music, I know where I’m at with my preferences, and that’s firmly sitting in the noughties with some RnB and general cheese. I love the idea of supporting new bands and there have been a few which I’ve ended up really liking, but going to gigs and not knowing the music? Some people really appreciate it, I just find it weird.

Vegetables in cakes
You say sweet potato cake, I say pass me a real dessert. Don’t fix what isn’t broken! I get that people want to make ‘treats’ into ‘healthy alternatives’ but we all watched that clean eating BBC3 documentary and learned that taking it too far isn’t great, so why not go for moderation and some real cake?

Real Ale
This seems to be the in thing at the moment with local breweries and real ale pubs gaining popularity faster than the speed of light. I do genuinely get that there are a lot of variations of ale and that others can taste the differences in the same way that I can with vodka (clearly my inner chav coming out there). But honestly, you could tell me it has undertones of unicorn farts and it will still taste like beer to me.



It turns out there are quite a lot of things I’m not quite cool enough for, but thankfully, as you can see in the top photo from the cool kid cafe I went to (Mrs Athas in case you were wondering), that I’m not too cool for avocado on toast as that shit is delicious. Let me know what you’re too cool for in the comments and whether or not you think I should be heading to an old people’s home – where I can introduce them to the merits of iPods over vinyl.
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6 comments

  1. Hahaha! Totally agree with everything in this post.. I'm not cool enough for any of it either! xo

    www.rachelnicole.co.uk

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  2. I'm not cool enough to say any of the rubbish that I come out with like no chill and AF :')
    Love Lucinda xx

    www.thefashionfictionary.com

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  3. I am SO with you on the whole vegetable cake trend - no thanks!!! x
    Sophie Cliff

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  4. Im with you with majority of these, I mean festival toilets really and vegetables in cakes absolutely no x

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  5. Hahaha! Oh Lizi, I do love you and I think you're cool! :p :)
    I have to agree with your list though.. I want to be/do so many of these, but as you say, it's not me/I'm not cool enough to do them and would basically stand out like a sore thumb if I did!
    However - Vinyl. I have half of my mums collection (half means I have a cupboard full, you don't want to know how many I gave away and I'm sure my mum was shouting at me from up there whilst I did!) but, some, the oldies, do sound so good! But, I wouldn't by any new music on vinyl. That's just silly.lol

    Caroline.x
    www.carolineelegeywhite.com

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