Friday, 3 June 2016

Signs your night out is turning into being ‘out’ out.

Signs your night out is turning into being ‘out’ out


You know those nights where you go to the pub, usually after work, and as you leave, you’re mentally planning what to have for tea and which documentary on serial killers/prisons/anything by Louis Theroux you’ll be watching tucked up in bed at 10pm (or if you’re me, 8:30pm)? And then you reach that tipping point glass of wine and suddenly you’re ‘out’ out? Here are the signs to look out for.

1. You start the night saying you’ll only go out for a few.

2. You get cash out at the start of your night and have a budget in your head that you definitely cannot blow because you are so skint.

3. When you reach the first bar, it turns into rounds and as your cash budget doesn’t stretch to six fancy cocktails, your card comes out.

4. If working in a successful round, you commit to at least six drinks and slowly the downward spiral begins.

5. Next up is the trip to the toilets and whilst alone in that cubicle, clutching onto the toilet roll dispenser to steady yourself, you realise you’re actually a tad tipsy and it’s only 8pm.

6. It’s then that you realise that you feel distinctly underdressed as groups of women start coming into the bar who are prepared for being ‘out’ out.

7. The natural reaction is to beg everyone for their make-up bags and throw caution to the wind about getting conjunctivitis from sharing mascara.

8. Once you’re well-equipped with a slightly wobbly eyeliner job, that you definitely won’t notice in a dimly lit bar anyway, you realise that you need to find a ‘safe’ place to leave your laptop bag (which you only brought out because you knew you were only staying for a couple).

9. The selfies start as everyone on Instagram needs to know that you’re a sassy and spontaneous girl about town who goes ‘out’ out.

10. Someone decides that it’s time to dance, no matter how appropriate or otherwise the venue is.

11. You quickly realise that you’re far drunker than ever intended and your next day plans have gone out the window.

12. You no longer care about your next day plans as what could be more fun than what is happening right now.

13. The happy and tipsy drunk phase comes to an end and deep discussions about life, death and the like begin in a beer garden.

14. By the time you all decide it’s time to go home, Uber has a surge on as so many people are ‘out’ out and you’ve finished your takeaway before you even get in the taxi.


And that it what happens when you go out for one to be polite and it turns into waking up thinking you’ve beaten the hangover when in fact you’re still drunk. You are welcome.
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