Friday, 5 February 2016

An open letter to women-shamers.

An open letter to women shamers
Dear girls,

This is the first time I’ve written an open letter like this so bear with me. I address this post to the two girls who sat in front of my sister and I when we went to see Jason Derulo at Manchester Arena last night. You two girls are about 18, going by your accents you’d travelled up from Liverpool and the way you acted last night, it made me realise that there really is a Regina George generation.

As I took my seat in the row above you, you were both in the midst of taking several thousand selfies. Which is what everyone does, that’s cool. But you quickly realised that from certain angles that your photos could contain both of your beautiful faces - with me in the background.

Now, we all know that taking a photo from that angle is the equivalent of when you unexpectedly open your forward facing camera on Snapchat and see all the chins and look far from your best. So what did you do? You continued to deliberately try and get me in the background. You’d take a photo, view it and zoom into my face so you could have all of the LOLs. You know how I know this? Because I was sat above you. I could see you doing it. I could see you doing it to the people in front of us too.

Every time you whacked your iPhones out throughout the night, I felt on edge. I felt like you were going to suddenly reverse the camera to try and catch the fat girl dancing behind you. You made me feel insecure. You laughing at unflattering photos of me and knowing they were stored on your phone made me feel vulnerable and quite frankly like shit. As much as I would love to say that I gave zero fucks, did a sassy hair flick and carried on my night a care in the world, I just didn’t.

I get that you’re young, clearly pretty immature and very obviously drunk so I tried to ignore it and enjoy my night. You’re caught in the moment, I could just be reading too much into it. I left it there.

Later in the evening, Jason Derulo wanted to pick his ‘It Girl’ from the audience so he could sing the song to her. He chose a woman who was a VIP, sat on the front row and clearly a big fan. Throughout the performance she did what anyone else would do – she sat on the stage looking a bit awkward and overwhelmed that her favourite artist in the world was singing to her. At this point, you girls actually turned round to my sister and I, strangers to you, and said ‘OMG of all the people he could have chosen as if he picked her?!’. I gestured to the VIP lanyard she was wearing and said ‘it’s probably because she paid for meet and greet’.

What was your problem with her being on stage? Why do you think he should have chosen someone else? Was it because this woman was a bit older, perhaps around 40? Was it because she was fairly overweight? Was it because you thought it was weird that a woman who was over the age of 25 goes to see the artists she loves and was crying as he sung to her? You clearly seemed to think that the requirement to go on stage should be ‘young and beautiful’. You spent the entire song in fits of laughter.

The thing is, she had every right to be there. She wasn’t brought up on stage as a joke for you to laugh at. She’d paid extortionate amounts for a VIP package and will have spent months looking forward to meeting Jason Derulo. Why shouldn’t she be there? You girls have no idea what her story is. She could have been to loads of his gigs. She could have overcome an illness. She might simply just be a massive fan that deserves recognition for her support. Who knows? Someone who does know is Jason Derulo, the guy we all paid to see and he picked her out.

It was at this point that I realised that you girls are quite literally Mean Girls. You’re the type of girls who aren’t even subtle. Did your parents never teach you ‘if you have nothing nice to say, don’t say anything’? You’re the girls who laugh at other women and say nasty things.

Do you know what shaming other women does? It makes it OK for men to do it. As Miss Norbury wisely said ‘you all have got to stop calling each other sluts and whores. It just makes it ok for guys to call you sluts and whores.’ And the same goes for making other women feel bad. When people see the way you girls act, so blatant and shameless about thinking you’re better than others, it justifies it to people. You’re the girls who put women into ‘leagues’ and make it OK for guys to give us all a score out of ten.

I pity you girls. There are so many people out there (both men and women) fighting to change perceptions, championing body confidence and equality, trying to stop bullying and yet there you two are, laughing at other women. I’m sad that putting other people down is what makes you happy.

I know you girls will never read this. But I hope anyone who does may stop and think. Whether it’s before they make a comment or whether it’s to call someone out for acting like a bitch.

I hope you enjoyed last night, and I can’t help but feel that a nasty hangover is everything you deserve today.


Lizi
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8 comments

  1. YES. This. Every damn time. Sing it loud sista because I'm singing along. Some people truly do not understand that they wound others with their words.


    I love ya, you rock, lady.

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    1. Thanks Kellie <3 Cannot deal with anyone who thinks it's OK to put down women, makes me all kinds of angry!

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  2. I'd have gone bat shit crazy and pulled them up on it if they did that to me. God, girls. Why are they so mean? I want to write so much on this post but I might be here for days but basically those girls are not worth the time. When they reach 40 and are the ones being sneered at I hope they remember last night....
    Bee xxx

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    1. I was very tempted! I guess it's because in my head I still feel pretty young whereas to them, I probably look like an adult and they'd have absolutely shit themselves if I'd said anything. I hope one day this comes back to bite them.

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  3. I have been in a similar situation as this and the whole thing just made me cringe, mainly for them... There's not much you can do apart from ignore it (harder said than done) and console yourself with the fact that you understand what being a nice human entails.

    I think it's the fact that they are in a group that makes them feel confident enough to display this kind of awful behavior. I highly doubt if you encountered them individual that they would engage in this kind of display.

    Bethan | Ethical Entrepreneurship

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    1. Agreed, it's definitely not something they'd have done if they'd been alone. I guess safety and confidence comes in numbers and plastic pint glasses of cider. I must admit, I'd be ashamed if I had a child who thought it was acceptable to do that.

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  4. They sound like immature girls that have a big slap round the face waiting for them, in reality. Easier said than done, because I'd have felt exactly the same as you did, but do pity them. It's such such such a shame that people think it is OK to act like real life Regina's. Thanks for sharing this, it's good to remind people that being kind is so small, but means so much, and being horrible imprints a lot more than you'd think.

    I hope that they have THE hangover from hell today too.

    Suitcase and Sandals Blog XX

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    1. I do appreciate that they're younger and lack life experience but still, not being a dick isn't hard. Once they grow out of that age where looks are everything and they realise that in the grown-up world people value substance in character, I imagine they'll struggle! xx

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