Friday, 2 October 2015

The Autumn Instagram Checklist

Autumn Instagram Checklist


You know when you realise that your social media offerings are bordering on basic bitch? Yeah, that’s me right now. As I seem to be working through every Autumnal cliché going, I thought I’d put together a list of everything you’ll see over the coming months.

Oh, and someone call Green Day, if September’s well and truly over and I heard they were still asleep. Lazy bastards.

1. Berry coloured nails. I’m typing this as my top coat dries on my deep raspberry coloured fingers.
2. Starbucks Autumn cups. I actually went to Starbucks, spotted the cups, got a green tea and it was handed to me in a regular cup. Do they not appreciate my desire to Instagram the shit out of these things? Just because I don’t like Pumpkin Spiced Lattes (or any lattes for that matter, I don’t discriminate), doesn’t mean I don’t want a pretty cup.
3. Pumpkin Spiced Lattes. Everyone (but me) is all over these. I’ve heard they’re the latte of dreams if you like coffee.
4. Foggy morning photos. I’m so guilty of this it is untrue as I live on the 5th floor and often open my blind and wonder if the sky has fallen down. Yes, morning may be darker but walking to work through a cloud definitely still has a novelty factor.
5. Crunchy leaves. Everyone loves Autumn leaves, and who wouldn’t want to create that idyllic Saturday afternoon scenario of a walk through the park and being at one with nature? Bonus points if your photo features conkers or a takeaway coffee cup from a local independent cafe.
6. Christmas countdowns. No, we’re not including the dickheads that start sharing Elf memes saying it’s a million sleeps till Christmas back in July, but now as Christmas is starting to loom ever closer, expect them on a daily basis.
7. Pumpkins. Carved pumpkins for Halloween, pumpkins actually being eaten (who knew that was a thing?), pumpkins with candles in them. All of the pumpkins.
8. Knitwear. Whether it’s cosy jumpers (#snug), scarves (#doublesnug) or gloves (#snugbutwhycantIuseatouchscreengoddamnit), it will be everywhere.
9. Cold and flu remedies, accompanied by orange juice and chocolate. As that is deffo the cure for the common cold and that shit needs sharing.
10. Candles. Too guilty of this it is untrue, but when it is too early to start with Christmas-scented Yankee Candles? Never, I think you’ll find the answer is. Rooms filled with the scent of ‘Christmas day’, ‘Icicles’ and ‘Pine Wreaths’ are the dream. Always.
11. Mulled everything. Cider, wine, even prosecco (had it last year, it was fabulous). Alcohol, served in mugs, preferably at a market. What more could you want in life?


So, that’s the Instagram forecast for the next 6 weeks or so. Anything I missed?
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